Existentialism – The philosophy that emphasizes the importance of human choice and living in the now rather than the past and future. In other words, we only truly live and exist if we make our own decisions independently of outside influence allowing us complete control over our own destinies.

Sound fancy? Not as fancy as you think. Forget I mentioned it for now. It will become relevant later on.

It has been a while since I have written a non-marketing blog. After a crazy year, starting a new job, moving to downtown Chicago, I have learned a lot about myself and developed personally and professionally. Many things about myself and the world in which we live have become apparent and eye-opening to me.

I turned 28 on July 6th (how time flies, right?). Having pretty much moved to a new place knowing no one every 2 years since I turned 18, no birthday for me has been the same, except for one thing that always seems to happen.

Every year in the build-up to my birthday, probably starting around March, I start to assess my year and aspects of my lifestyle. I ask myself questions like, what have I accomplished since turning 27? Am I closer to my goals? Am I reaching my full potential? Should I be somewhere else? What regrets have I made in that year and how should I have done things differently, etc.

In the past, I never really understood why this happens every year – why I have to critique myself and evaluate my year so extensively and the reason is starting to become apparent.

A few months ago, I was walking to the train station after work with a colleague. I noticed the same homeless man begging for change.

Now, this was nothing new. I had seen this homeless man twice a day since I started working at my current company. He has been there every single morning when I arrived and every single evening when I left. This time, for some weird reason, I felt differently about it.

I said to my colleague, “I see that same man every single day, every morning when I arrive and every evening when I leave, even when I arrive very early or leave very late.”

My colleague responded, “Yeah, he is literally always here, even on the weekends”.

I then went on, “He is probably 70 years old or older. Isn’t it sad that this is probably his life until the day he dies? He will likely never have a real home, he will likely never have a proper job, he will likely do this, making scraps meet until he is physically incapable of doing so and that will be it – his death.” I thought to myself, does he know that that is his reality?  Realistically, he probably does.

I have been pondering that thought since. Now, this is one man, but how many people around the world are in a similar situation?

For me, the most frustrating trait of human nature is how we find it so difficult to appreciate what we have, appreciate a good moment, good things that are currently happening in our lives and most importantly, appreciate the people around us while they are a part of our lives.

It seems it is part of humans’ DNA to always want what we can’t have and then when we have it, we weirdly do not really want it anymore. Then, when we lose it, only then do we truly appreciate it. This applies to the people around us as much as material aspects and experiences.

I am particularly guilty of this. I am slowly discovering that one of my worst traits is not appreciating what is happening now, instead, thinking about what I do not have, and the future rather than the present.

This epitomizes my annual routine of questioning and critiquing aspects of my life in the lead up to my birthday rather than focusing on the great things happening now. The reality is, I really do only truly appreciate something when it is gone.

On paper, this should not be the case. If I look at my life, everything seems to be going well.

I was accepted into my first choice grad school choice which earned me a move to the US, an opportunity many others I know desired but were unable to achieve. I then got a great job who went above and beyond to sponsor my visa to stay in the US (something more difficult to do than you can imagine). I was recently promoted. Outside of work, I am in great health and am one of those lucky people who almost never get sick. I have never once taken a sick day in my life. The reality is, I look at my life and know few 27-year-olds who have the same or a better standard of living.

As I wrote that and re-read it, I think to myself “Hold on a second”.

Maybe I have discovered the issue right there. Everything I mentioned above as a reason why I should be more than satisfied with my year, focuses selfishly on myself and my life.

I mentioned, MY career, MY education, MY visa, MY health and MY quality of life. I did not mention anyone else. I did not mention how lucky I am to have amazing people around me, supportive friends and colleagues and a loving family. I have made many mistakes in my life, and have many, many flaws but because of the people around me, I have been able to overcome and be where I am today.

So I ask myself, everything in my life is going well, but what about the people around me?

What have I done for others? Apart from the homeless man mentioned above and the clear atrocities happening around the world leaving many people in terrible situations, I look closer to home.

Many of my friends and family are going through tough times. Have I done enough to support and help them? Do they know that I am there for them? Have I taken a step back and listened to their problems and offered advice? Have I done something meaningful to help or better someone else’s life without thinking about what I receive in return? Maybe I have, but certainly not enough.

Perhaps the key to a fulfilled life and to learning to appreciate the moment is to not focus on ourselves but to focus on what we as people can do to make others happy? I have realized another bad trait of mine is that I have had a hard time disengaging from confrontations that do not have a chance of benefiting anyone. Arguing for the sake of arguing, even doing so when I know I am correct, but being aware that it will not lead to anything productive.

These thoughts have been swirling inside me other the past few months and I am trying to move forward in a different way.

So what can I take from this? I am starting simple, taking a step back during useless confrontation, coming full circle, biting tongue in the face of disagreement or confrontation per say. I have apologized and made amends with people to repair broken friendships, putting my ego aside, even when I was certain I was in the right and they were in the wrong.

I am trying to do something every single day to make someone else happy or better someone’s life. I am trying to live life with a smile on my face and exhibit positivity, even when I do not always feel it.

I have tried something as simple as saying ‘Good Morning’ and engaging in conversation with random people such as neighbors or even uber drivers. I have been surprised at how much they appreciate conversion – the ability to ask a random impartial person’s advice about something or vent about something that has been frustrating them when many riders do not even say, hello, goodbye or thank you.

I am trying to listen to others rather than talking about myself, reminding people close to me how great they are, why they are great and how much I appreciate having them in my life.

At the end of the day, I do believe humans, especially myself, will always be somewhat flawed and we will always have trouble fully appreciating good things while they are here. We will always go through the circle of desiring something, obtaining it, not being satisfied and wanting more and, if we then lose it, only then appreciating it and wondering why we did not when we had it.

Humans will always find ourselves wanting more, wanting what we cannot have and only appreciating something/someone once they are gone.

I guess everything in life happens in fluctuations, ups and downs. A bad week or bad day is certainly going to be followed by a good week/day in the future and vice versa. I guess that is what makes it interesting, after all, a life of only ups would mean you have little to look forward to and appreciate.

I believe the key is when things are going well and you are happy, to remember to appreciate them and the people around you in the moment. Think about why you are happy in that moment, why you are laughing, or have a smile on your face and more importantly who is making you happy and who are you sharing those moments with.

When things are not great, the key is to understand that this is part of life and what makes it interesting. We are tested when we are down and to overcome this test we must remember that things will get better and to appreciate those around you who are there.

Recently I have been reading about the theory of existentialism. I have not even got past the surface of the theory but my interpretation in day to day life is that we have a free choice over our actions thoughts and feelings. A friend told me a quote which has stuck. “When was the best time to plant an apple seed? 20 years ago. When is the next best time? Right now”. We should live in the moment, not dwell on the past or the future.

We should remember to think about the great people in your life, being there for them. Exhibiting positivity and appreciating the present will go a long way and make us better people and a better society. I am in no way religious but do believe positivity is contagious and the more you show to others, the more returns to your life and to the lives of those around you.